Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
