Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
