I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
