if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
