you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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