We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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