I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
