it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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