can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
