drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
