My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't think brook has ever known best
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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