sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
