I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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