My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
