Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
