My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
