we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
