and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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