Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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