Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
