when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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