So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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