i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
