remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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