Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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