sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
