Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want her autograph on my taint
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
