Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
