i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
