all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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