I want to have your abortion
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
