Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
