Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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