i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I understand Curling. That high.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
