Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
