She said her name was "party"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Terrible idea I love it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
