I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
