why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
