WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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