Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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