after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
