I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
