i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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