My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
