we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
