omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
