Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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