trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
