do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
