I'm laying in your front yard are you home
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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