Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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