Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize