Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
