I want to walk on stilts...naked
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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