I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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