You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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