I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
