We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
