I think my vagina is haunted
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
