Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
