my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
