Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
