My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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