You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
