Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
